Choose to be a Courageous Parent than a Trophy Parent

Don’t Raise Good Girls!

I know the headline might seem outrageously feminist at the outset, and also to some as replica of some Bollywood movie which promotes smoking, drinking and having multiple relationships as a right that girls should have equal to boys. It is not! There is no way that anything can be defined as boyish or girlish as nothing can be defined as good and bad too. There isn’t a greater virtue than the truth if one really wants to show off in one’s character but when the acceptance of this truth remains on face value, we need not moralize other things too! So, let us at the very beginning leave who has right to be what? 

Now, what makes me write then, if not a feminist in me? I think it is just my experience of being a girl-turned-woman in late thirties that makes me eligible to share how I think girls should be treated and raised. I am a girl, and parent of a girl too! That would be enough to pass the basic test.

All these long cultured years of upbringing has pin pointedly been towards raising girls. This made them extremely conscious of being good and ideal in all affairs. They were never treated as individuals who can make mistakes, and accidently do wrong things too! They have been raised to the status of deities who are too perfect to err. There is nothing bad in it except the fact that it isn’t the realistic way of raising girls. We are raising imaginary species to behave and function ideally, and feel ashamed of the same in state of not being able to do so. The boys will be allowed many flaws. Their mistakes would be laughed at, and that would make them courageous enough to make more of them in future. This does not mean that boys don’t learn. They do by making mistakes, and learning lessons, and applying corrections. When it comes to girls, we don’t allow them to make mistakes. We are too conscious for them to fall. Thus, we raise timid girls, who despite all their intelligence level aren’t the risk takers, and the early ones to give up. This practice of raising good girls isn’t preparing them for the future but making them too conscious to take brave decisions in life.

When we see strong women around us, and praise how they are doing so well in life, that sounds an exceptional thing because we aren’t used to the concept of girls doing all this in normal circumstances. They need to face a lot of struggle to become that bold and brave decision maker. The moment she faces unprecedented struggles and turmoil, she learns forcibly to face and try out a viable solution to them. This testing time, on the other hand could prove to be suicidal too in many cases as they aren’t trained to handle that pressure ever before in life and may just unfortunately succumb. Of course, it wouldn’t be wise to allow time take its course while we wait, and suffer, and observe, and feel, and still make no effort to change things!

Let us raise our girls, not as deities to be praised and looked up to as some alien infallible ones, but as human beings who aren’t flawless. This isn’t so much for the societal acceptance as it is for the acceptance of their own self in their own eyes. A fault means they aren’t able to look themselves up in the mirror. That is what we taught them covertly in all these years. What we need to choose is to become a Courageous Parent ourselves than being a Trophy parent, who is conscious of fulfilling the criterion of what society thinks should be for "good girls". Just leave them to explore life, make mistakes and take their own decisions! Let us not teach them all the time how to be perfect and infallible. Let them grow and bloom! 

Poetic outpourings ....

If dear is she to you 

and intent is to let her pursue 

her dreams and freedom to explore 

allow her to be flawed too! 

Do not teach her all the nice ways 

Beauty draws to her natural fray. 

She needn’t learn how to behave 

but more how to be genuine right away! 

Pushing her to brink in name of virtue 

isn’t a crime of Himalayan magnitude though 

but not letting her be the imperfect human 

is more than term 'crime' could explore! 

Let her uproar timid breaking voice 

that needs to be heard and addressed too. 

If you happen to be a mom 

don’t raise a good girl for once! 

What you will observe is a bird 

courageously flying her way 

Only love, and no support will then she demand 

As to be brave, and not good will be her command!

Wishing Courageous Parenting!